Bill's Opinions 

The green ones.

Those new green doritos are the freakin shiznite! Holy crap its like a party in my mouth and everyone is invited. Well almost everyone.

They look sketchy as hell but once you put them in your mouth there is no going back. I dont know what to compare it to for those of you who have not yet experienced them. Let me just say that they are a revolutionary advancement in chip technology.

Damn they are good.

If it werent for crazy people, life would suck

Even though working at a bookstore generally sucks asshole most of the time. There are days when something wonderful makes everything worthwhile.

The other day I was doing some hard work that involved counting Christmas ornaments and stacking them into a drawer. By stacking them into a drawer I mean cramming as many as I could fit into the drawer because I only had so much space. I also only had so much concern for the condition their safety.

One of the other associates was helping a man find a book? or trying to. I wasn?t paying much attention because this is the type of thing that happens a lot in a bookstore. People want books and are not able to find them. Apparently the alphabetical system of arranging things has the citizens of Lee County slightly confused. After hearing him raise his voice a little I decided to go help this poor girl out. I was bored and this guy looked like he might be looking for an argument as well.

?May I help you find something sir??
?Yeah, you can get me the autobiography of David Berkowitz.? He said in a very irate tone.

Ok pause for a second. There is a highly excitable little man looking for a book about a serial killer. Jackpot!

?Well I believe she just told you that we don?t have that in right now. I would be more than happy to check and see if it is a book we can order for you.?
?I don?t want it ordered for me, I want to see several of them on the shelf, this is a popular book!?
?Well unfortunately we don?t carry it sir, so the only way I can get one for you is to order it.?
?You don?t need to know my name.?
?I do actually if you want me to order that book for you.?
?I don?t want it ordered I already said that. Now look, I have been here several times before looking for this and I was told by two managers that you have one in the store and it is in the wrong place. You people need to fix that crap and get it over here!?
?well I don?t know how they told you that because our computers don?t tell us how many we have on hand (Yeah, I know that sounds hard to believe but we suck and so do our computers.). I can however go get a manager if you would rather speak to them.?
?I don?t care enough to speak to them again, they obviously don?t know anymore than you do. It wont do any good, you people don?t care about customer service here!?
?Well I am sorry you feel that way sir, there is a 800 number you can call if you wish to let someone at our corporate office know.?
?Will that get the damn book on the shelf??
?No sir the only way to do that is to order it, but then you already know that.?

At this point I realized he was either crazy or trying to piss me off, so I decided to see if I could piss him off first. I think I won. He started back into his rant.

?Well I don?t want to order it because I don?t feel like giving you my information. And let me tell you one more thing??

?What?s that sir?? I asked in my nicest most sincere employee voice.
?I have been here 8 times looking for this book in the past 5 weeks. I come here once a week! (I know the math doesn?t add up, I just went with it, you should do the same.) I am only comingback one more time and it better be here!?
?It will be if you order it, otherwise it probably wont. The odds simply don?t seem to be in your favor do they??
?Well if it isn?t there is going to be trouble!?
?No there isn?t.?
?There is too because I am going to push every one of those books off that shelf!?
?If you do that then we are going to have a problem.?
?No we wont.?
?Yeah we will.?
?Nope because you will be the one with the problem.?
?Sir.? I got all tough sounding and tried to be a bad ass here. If you come into my store and knock books on the floor believe me when I say it will be you with the problem.?
?Nuh uh? He said sounding like my 3 year old brother when he disagrees with something.
?Yuh huh? I said trying my best to sound exactly like him.
?I didn?t say I was going to throw books on the floor.?
?You did actually.?
?I said I am going to turn the shelves over.?
?Well I would prefer that you not do that either.?
?Then get that book.?
?Order it.?
?We can do this as long as you want man.?
?Where are your newspapers? I need the New York Times.?
?Over there in the caf?.?
?You do have the Times right??
?Of course we do!? I said not knowing whether we carried it or not. To be honest I kind of hoped we didn?t. We did, and he came walking back towards the register to buy it. As he did the girl there asked him if he had a discount card. Now, discount cards are a magical thing at this store. Most people don?t want to buy one because they cost 10 bucks and only save you 10 percent. In this town that is just a little more than the sales tax, which is 8 percent. Every little bit helps I guess. Anyhow?

?No I don?t have one and I don?t want to buy one either.?

Seeing another opportunity to piss him off, I interrupted. ?Well sir, are you aware that you can save 10 percent off of everything in the store??
?You don?t have what I am looking for.? He was quite agitated at this point. That meant I was in control now.
?Yes sir, but you could save 10 percent on everything else.?
?I don?t want it.?
?Are you sure??
?Look, you better have that book when I come back!?
?Look you better not even thing about throwing books on my floor when you come back.?
?If you had what I wanted I wouldn?t.?
?If you break or throw anything we will have a problem.? Yeah I was trying to sound tough again. Shut up.
?I am coming back next week.?
?Don?t throw books on the floor.?
?I am coming back.?
?Don?t throw any books and we wont have any trouble.?
?You will if that book isn?t here.?
?You will if you act the fool.?

Then he walked out, and I am praying that I will be there if and when this skitzoid comes back. Keep checking back for an update if he does!

Its funny when the cops show up at church

At least I find it humorous. The other night some friends of mine and I went to play capture the flag with one of the church groups here on campus. Since police intervention in church activities is kind of frowned upon I will allow them to remain nameless. Anyhow the way college kids play capture the flag in this town is pretty hard core. We were all decked out in camo and face paint, and looked like a cross between al qaeda and a Klan black face lynch mob. There were probably 80 or so of us. We decided to go to this city park that has acres and acres of open field along with a bunch of thick woods to play this rather massive game.

It was about 9 or so when we arrived and very dark. There were no lights in the park, and most of us knew full well that it closed at sundown. To us this didn?t mean we would be unwelcome there, it simply meant no one else would be there to interrupt this game. So, we got there and all took a group photo. If you see it I am the one who is flashing the shocker. Then we broke up into teams. We then decided to trek through the dark paths that led to the fields. We were loud to say the least.

Of course once we split up, we had to come up with a code word so that if we ran into some one in the pitch black woods we would be able to figure out if they were on our team or not. This saved us the trouble of getting to know the new people on our team, as well as the responsibility of caring who our teammates were. We spent about 10 minutes trying to invent a code word because we are lame.

Then we actually started playing. Half of our team ran straight into the woods and the other half stayed behind to tackle the crap out of anyone who came into our field. I was feeling adventurous so I decided to trek through the woods with about 5 other guys on our teams. We were all gung ho and too off running full speed into the woods. At night. In the dark. Oops. We made it about 3 feet before we realized running into the woods doesn?t work. So we backed ourselves out and split up and decided to walk through them. This worked only slightly better. We made it about 10 feet before we had split up far enough apart that we could no longer see each other.

I walked on in a little while and realized that these weren?t like planted woods, these were just overgrown jungle woods. As I looked around I realized that I could see absolutely nothing. I could hear one of my idiot teammates saying the code word out loud like he thought something in his neck of the woods (see what I did there?) would respond to him. I looked behind me and what I saw there looked exactly like what was in front of me. That is, a big pile of darkness with no discernable characteristics to guide me. I figured I could be a wuss and go back to my field or be a man and figure out what was deeper in these woods. I figured they couldntbe more than about 10-15 yards thick. I was wrong.

I pushed further through and managed to snag every thorn, sticker and vine around my neck, face and hands. Luckily the camo I was wearing was thick enough that the rest of me did not get covered in that crap. I think my most manly moment came when I stumbled? literally stumbled across a fallen log over a hole, creek, puddle, or something that I couldn?t reach my foot down into. I placed my hand on it to crawl over it and all I could think was ?Eeeew this thing is all slimy!? Yeah I get out in the woods a lot. Shut up.

Eventually I made it to where I could see light at some point in front of me. At this point I realized that I was going to make it out quicker than I thought and my only thought was not getting the other teams flag, or breathing free of vines and thorns around my neck. No. It was simply to wait at the edge of the woods and scare the living shit out of some unsuspecting member of the game. I didn?t really even care who?s team they were on. I wouldn?t have known anyhow because I wasn?t paying attention when they went over the code.

With my hopes lifted I decided to pick up the pace a little and figured out that staying low to the ground was a good way to do this. As I picked up speed I stopped putting my hands in front of me, which meant I was more likely to get snagged on something. Well Of all the things in these woods to get snagged on I was the least worried about barbed wire. I was moving at a pretty good paste and came across what I thought was a vine or something. So I kept going. It didn?t give too much and I ended up on my ass. I crawled over to it and saw what it was. I was pissed off at first but realized that this meant that I had reached the other end of the woods.

I sat at the eds in the darkness and waited for someone to walk close to me. A few people walked by talking crap about how they were going to find our team and blah blah blah? I was poised and ready to pounce on the first unsuspecting kid that came my way. Then I heard what no college kid trespassing ever wants to hear. ?Games over! The cops are here!!?

Shit. I was having fun and was going to scare the piss out of some one but no. Not tonight. Some jerk had to call the police on us for trying to have a little fun. Well I decided to head back with the group to the cars. The cops were very polite. The look on their faces as a group of 35 of us walked out of the woods in a line was worth the whole night. It was almost as good as the look on their face when we told them there was at least this many more of us still in the woods.

Of course not everyone got the memo that the cops had showed up so we had to go back into the woods to find a few people that had taken the game o a whole new level. Somehow they made it to the other side of the park next to the highway. Good for them for being creative.

It only took an hour to get everyone out and gone. And by ?only? I mean holy crap it took an hour to get everyone to leave. This proves once again that Christians do not react well to pressure. But one of the cops did let some of our group use the bullhorn in his car, so that was cool. And for future reference these days it takes three cops to answer a trespassing call.

I had a wonderful article

Ant the Fucking thing was deleted! Eat my shit server!

Back to school...

So summer semester is over and naw it is fall. For those of you who arent in college let me tell you what that means. It means that this small college town of 44,000 people has now grown by 50 percent in the past week, and none of them are good drivers. In fact most of them shoul dhave their driving priveleges revoked. It is like taking 85 cats and lighting them on fire, and then putting them all into a pen designed to hold 50. It doesnt work out so well for most of the cats.

Even the gym is more crowded. There was litterally a line for the bench press. I dont understand why that one excercise seems to be the measure of a mans strength, but it is by far the most popular thing in the weight room. It is fun to see the guys who only work out their chests and biceps hangin around by the weights like they are hard. All I have to say to them is that you look like a retard. You dont look as stupid as the dick who wore his shades at the gym. I dont mean like black normal person sunglasses. No. These were like Cyclops from xmen sunglasses. Crystalized orange lenses or some crazyness, and they wrapped aroundhis head. You looked like a butt nut, and I hope that you get jacked up vision from trying to be a pimp in the damn gym. Go back to orlando with that crap chief.

It isnt all bad. There are a lot of positives to fall semester. Fotball season is a big deal. Even if you hate football there is so much that surrounds the games that it is very eventful for most. Classes are way easier in the fall also. I had forgottenhow much easier it is to go to class for an hour a day 3 times a week instead of 2 and a half hours a day 5 days a week. I have no excuse not to make all A's this semester. That means I have all semester to come up with one though.

Textbooks are still expensive as a bitch. I bought 3 of them fo my measly nine hours of class and spent $207.00. I almost shat myself. I figured a sudden fecal drop at the register might not be the most polite thing in the world. SO I regained control of my bowels and payed the damn money and walked out with my head held down in shame. I was ripped off yet again. Oh well, that is why I am taking business classes, so that I may learn the ways of the con. One day it is me who will be doing the ripping.



Number two my white ass!

Fuck "summersanders" Fuck you for being a putz that has to act like you know a damn thing about the olympics. You put up this piece fo shit fake info site and then talk shit about wanting to see Summer Sanders in the nude? You little perv monkey. You need to be castrated. How can you blaspheme her olympic medals by talking about seeing her naked? And more importantly why does your site beat mine out?

You are a bag of ass and i hope that one day you will see the girl naked only to have your tiny brain explode from the overwhelming action of finally seeing anything female in the nude. In fact I hope your dick explodes first so you will die without it.

And what the crap is wrong with the world when I offer it all the greatness that is my site and it is beaten out by a sick little fat kid who has acne and has to petition girls to get naked over the internet. The world is jacked up. Jacked up like a mofo!!!

Yeah I bitched a little. Do something about it. One day "summersanders" One day I will own you!!!!!!

strangest conversatin of the day...

This is me and my friend talking about what is by far the strangest story I have heard in a while...

WKP2: so my friend Ims me and says he has a riend that knows someone who let e cow suck him off
WKP2: and before I can even comprehend that
WKP2: he follows with the cow sucked the skin and some of the meat off
WKP2: wtf
WKP2: why do people feel the need to share that with me?
him: .......
WKP2: so I say well, beef its whats for dinner
WKP2: and he tells me I am sick
him: haha
WKP2: and says "oh my god"
WKP2: and i say only if he was hindu
him: hahahahahahahaha
WKP2: andhe says he wasnt
WKP2: and i say well
WKP2: i hope he wasnt jewish
WKP2: because no way can that cow ever be kosher
WKP2: but then again if you do eat it there will be a little bit of your friend in every bite
him: ha
WKP2: it was the strangest convo i had all day
him: yeah, well, i think that would beat anything
him: so wait, the cow sucked part of the meat off?
him: like it wounded him?
WKP2: yeah
WKP2: like a circumcisuon as i underastand
WKP2: except with a cow
WKP2: so i guess he got bit
him: awwwwwwwww
WKP2: yeah
WKP2: its like broken and chapped and how the freak you gonna tell the doctor how it happened?
WKP2: its like well bessy just looked like she wanted this
him: blame it on reality television
WKP2: yeah
WKP2: aparently fear was not a factor with him
him: yeah, this time around its the cow that eats your penis
WKP2: and in a weird twist of irony the cow and his three stomachs will spit it up and chew it again for like the next day and a half
WKP2: so its like the longest bj ever


Some call it white lightning. Some call it fire water. Some people call it gross. A friend of mine calls it vomit juice. I dont really have any strong feelings about it one way or another.

Personally I think it is nasty. It doesnt even have a cool label. WTF is exciting about a husk of corn? It looks like a freakin asian man hard on sticking up off that label. Well it would if asians had big dongs, but we all know they dont.

In any case I think that Everclear is much better suited for terrorist cocktails than "screaming purple Jesuses". You gotta mix that stuff just right or it is nasty as hell. And if you are drunk enough to spit it at fire, then you know you are going to get burnt. Dumbass.

guess who's back...

I just havent updated this thing in a while so I wanted you people to know that I am back bitches!!!!!!!!!!

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