Who would do such a thing? 

Who would do such a thing?

A friend of mine who appeared to be totally sane the other day busts out with the fact that they had been on a date with someone they met online. Why in the name of Zeus's butt hole would anyone do that? I mean the Internet is good for so many things like unlimited information and every type of porno you can imagine. Who decided that it was a way to meet new people? What self-loathing fat kid that couldn???t make friends in real life decided that an instant message was a way to meet people. It would be different if attractive people met online but I can???t think of anyone that has ever mentioned meeting their date online that has had something to brag about.

I used to get instant messages from people all the time when I used aol that said nothing more than a/s/l... How desperate are you that you base your mate hunting on a few obscure statements in a person???s online profile? I would respond to them as creatively as I knew how to. I would tell them things like I was a 57-year-old guy who pretended to be female just so I could attract guys to motels to kill them and steal their organs for sale on the black market. I was reported to aol more than once.

I have to be honest I did wonder what an online date would be like, and nothing I imagined appealed to me. My life is a constant reminder that Murphy's Law is real so that factored into my thoughts. The way I figured it I would have this girl who sent me pictures that indicated she was the most attractive female on the planet. There is no one else I would ever consider meeting online. Then the thought "I would be stupid not to do this" would enter my head and I would decide to meet her. This is when things would start to get weird because the way my life works. I would see this girl and she would either be A) grotesquely deformed and messed up or B) a man who wanted to kidnap me and put me in a cage for the rest of my life like I was a bird. Then I would of course find a way to escape because I used to watch MacGuyver and would of course remember something. Then the dude would chase me but he couldn???t catch me once I stole a car. He better be driving a vette if he wants to catch me and put me in a cage. Pshh I don???t know what that guy was thinkin. Of course I may have an overactive imagination.

In any case I cannot imagine anything good coming from an internet date. Bars are a far better way to meet people. By the time you have enough drinks ugly girls don't exist anymore. What could be better?