If dogs could talk 

If dogs could talk

My dogs have an interesting life. i think it would be nice to get their feedback to it. They spend some days sitting outside on the deck sleeping, and some inside... sleeping. The high point of the day is getting fed. Sometimes they will want to play throw the toy. I can tell when they are happy because they wag their tails. I can tell they are mad because they growl. But, what about their other emotions.

Like when there is a chipmunk in the yard and they bark like hell at it... what are they telling it? Do you think they are talking dog smack? I bet they are. I bet its like "Get out of my yard you filthy vermin! You better be glad my humans dont let me out or I will bite you in the ass! I will chase you around the whole yard until you get outside the fence, and then you better believe Im gonna bark at you! And dont let me catch you either! You better believe its dry hump time! Ya filthy bastard!" In my mind dogs talk dirty.

And why do they hate the UPS man. Every time that guy walks to the front steps the dogs both try to get through the glass to tear him apart. WTF? For all they know he has food for them.

If my dogs could talk I would ask them why they hate cats. I mean I know why I hate cats, they are evil, heartless, devil creatures with no soul who would just as soon cut your eyes out as look at you. Personally I dont think dogs really hate cats so much as all other animals. And I dont think it is hate, it is just this feeling of "I want to chase and bark at you for not apparent reason."

And who decided to cross-breed dogs? When they were thinking of all the good breeds to make what the hell did they design the poodle for? Those little dogs look like loofas. Its like a walking, barking, crapping loofa. But you cant clean your grundle with this one because it has fleas. Great. Just what I need. Fleas up my ass! Anyhow, poodles suck. Well the big ones are ok as long as they dont have a jacked up haircut, but the little ones can burn in hell.

I guess my biggest question for my dogs would be "Why do you lick your balls? I mean dude. Thats freakin nasty. Let that French poodle slut up the street do it".